Posted by: nickwardscenarios | January 8, 2015

Nick Ward (aka Banjo Nick) versus Cambridge University Boat Clubs

By email to Cambridge University Boat Club President with subject line: Concrete pontoon flooded last night

But Teddy Bear survived with a wet backside. Removing the Pirate Flag, the jolly roger, jeapodised Ted. The flag pole was extra security if aryldite fur to concrete failed. I have wired him down and he is now flying improvised CUBC Surrender flag. Please use your brains. If you remove the little white flag please leave the stick for it is saving Ted from disappearing into Ouse. 

Note properly light blue nose. High time Cambridge got over the mistaken pot of green paint and restored Light Blue as blade colours. 

Also get over recruiting 2000m international athletes brainwashed to have no understanding of natural waterways. No wonder there were no objections from a class of rowers whose closed sport requires environmentally destructive multi million pound rowing ponds which ensure that poor countries cannot compete. 

Boatrace requires long distances on the river. 2000m style erging sessions little application. 

What is maximum pressure? Impossible to define mentally. Hence four stroke cycle application. 4th stroke is Max. 

Your reputation for appalling arrogance is with everyone I speak to. Refusing photo session with excellent Cam News photographer. 

Store your boats in Ely. Remove rowing machines. Row. 

And use all of budget on insane boathouse carpark! Gym to restore riverbank. 

And make public announcement asap

Who got the kickbacks? How were councillors bribed? Resignations must follow. 



  1. Sent: Monday, 26 January 2015, 13:07
    Subject: Re: Your emails re Ely boathouse

    Dear Mr Pearson
    Thank you for this clarification.
    In my view the single reason for having a boathouse on the Ely Marina with ample space available for additional rack space (to accommodate all of the Cambridge University squads racing Oxford) is to row on the River Ouse between Ely and Littleport because the river Cam is too narrow and too busy with boat traffic.
    The Great Ouse is the reason. Now quite apart from the dreadful damage done to a highly sensitive ecosystem at Fore Mill Wash this rash development is of course much more than rack space. I was horrified by the extent of the clearance of natural habitats.
    It is also a very dangerous precident. If Cambridge University have been given Environment Agency / local councillors go-ahead to build on the wrong side of the dyke who is to stop further developments?
    Do you have any concerns? Does what I am pointing out resonate with you one iota?
    My advice, (as as campaigner for the Womens’ Boatrace to be held on the Tideway for some years) is to maintain your rowing base within the Ely Marina, which has excellent security fence on the gate on the bridge and invest in improving training facilities in Cambridge. I would go so far as to suggest investigating a financial investment in the entire Marina which would serve to integrate University race training within the boat service comminity.
    All that is requitred is secure rack space for racing shells and fleet of small boats, all other training need, as I have argued in earlier emails to the Presesident of CUBC can be provided in Cambridge. This policy will work towards better integratation of CUBC racing squad selection with College rowing.
    As I have also stated earlier, indeed since Autumn of 2013, I am amazed that CUBC Boatman, Boatmen, coaches and rowers have not objected to this act of misguided thinking. It would take a paper to offer reasons why.  
    A couple of days ago I had the pleasure of meeting with OUBC rowers, top squad women and men, who I found to be most agreeably informed of the huge pshycholgical disadvantage CUBC have been burdened with as a result of this hairbrained scheme.’I wish you luck”, I concuded, ‘I wish the dark blues luck for the first time in 53 years!’
    I have been a stalwart supporter of CUBC since the days when Alf Twinn, a man of natural community outreach,  who gave me some free sculling coaching as teenager and made representation to my father, then head of KSE circa 1977, to arrange lease for current CUBC Boathouse, which remains perfectly servicable. Additional rack space is abundant. Alf did this because CUBC racing shells on tresles made it impossible for me to get the school single assigned to me on to the water.
    I will never be able to sympathise with one such as yourself who is making money so pointlessly (in terms of genuine Boatrace preparation) and with such environmentally illiterate greed as a business man, for this reason I copy in the President CUBC, Stuart Laing (Master Corpus Christi College where I was undergraduate 1981-4), PC Cronin, Ely Police; my solicitor Samantha Greenwood,and Greenwise (by separate email). Also Oxford University talisman Daniel Toploski, who has known me since I helped him boat for the Scullers Head of the Cam in 1977. More recently in 2007 I had the pleasure of launch driving for OUWBC crews on the Tideway when I was working as Boatman at Furnivall Sculling Club at Hammersmith. I know the Boatrace course like the back of my hand, Mr Pearson.
    Back down Evan! Let them Row Row Row!!!

    Yours sincerely
    Nick Ward
    Founder Greenwise, a cross-party Parliamentary Pressure Group, including our MP, Julian Huppert.

    From: Ewan Pearson
    To: Nick Ward
    Sent: Friday, 23 January 2015, 16:54
    Subject: RE: Your emails re Ely boathouse

    Mr Ward, I am referring to the new Cambridge University boathouse project in Ely, which is for all three of our clubs: CUBC, CUWBC and CULRC.

    Yours, Ewan Pearson.

    —–Original Message—–
    From: Nick Ward
    Sent: 23 January 2015 14:51
    To: Ewan Pearson
    Subject: Re: Your emails re Ely boathouse

    Dear Mr Pearson

    I thank you for this email.

    Which I copy on to PC Cronin, Ely Police and to my solicitor Samantha Kelly, Stuart Laing, Master Corpus Christi College; and to The President, CUBC.

    Which boathouse are you referring to, the existing one on Ely Marina or the boathouse complex and carpark on highly flood prone Fore Mill Wash? Highly flood-prone and currently a Project Ely site of disgraceful eco-vandalism which must be halted and restoration work paid for, in the opinion of myself and nature-loving locals.

    Yours sincerely

    Nick Ward

    Founder Greenwise

    On Fri, Jan 23, 2015 12:55 GMT Ewan Pearson wrote:

    >Dear Mr. Ward.
    >As I am (and have been throughout) the most relevant Cambridge University Rowing person for you to contact on this matter, could you please redirect your emails on the matter of our Ely boathouse to me in future?
    >Many thanks,
    >Ewan Pearson,
    >Chairman, Project Ely Group for CUBC, CUWBC and CULRC.

  2. To: my father and Daniel Topolski
    Sent: Thu, Jan 29, 2015 13:37 GMT
    Subject: FW: spirit of Steve Fairbairn. Geelong and Jesus College, Cambridge

    More pagan bard\shaman than Druid, Frankie, to correct Christmas email (to my sister)

    Hope all is well. Topolski my dark blue counterweight most interested by my defection, Dad.

    As long as it raises standards all for the good. Not as radical as your co-written letter with Bishop Roberts proposing London University take Oxford’s place near end of that fabulous Light Blue winning streak in the early 70s.

    I advocate all Boatrace Oxford\Cambridge be held on Championship Course. Kicking off with lightweight women as tide turns. Same interval as usual to clear washe from Umpires launch.

    A single sculling race with up to six competitors, men and women, with scullers sponsored by both universities could kick start return of Professional Challenge races on Thames.

    Likewise, now is the time to break free of Cold War originating restrictions on boat design. The Boatrace, like Henley Royal Regatta is not beholden to 2000m restrictions, as we know. That’s where the future of the sport lies.

    —-Forwarded Message—-
    From: banjo nick
    Sent: Thu, Jan 29, 2015 11:29 GMT
    Subject: spirit of Steve Fairbairn. Geelong and Jesus College, Cambridge

    —-Forwarded Message—-
    To:Evan Pearson, Project Ely for CUBC, CUWBC, CULBC
    CC: Greenwise
    Sent: Thu, Jan 29, 2015 11:19 GMT
    Subject: OUBC. OUWBC. OULBC. OUWLBC. OU single scullers.

    You are warmly invited to Banjo Nick impromptu in the heated backyard of The Dolphin, Wallingford, Market Day, tomorrow, after 5pm.

    I have enjoyed sleeping rough and warmly just downstream of your extensive boathouse complex, a superb facility. No wonder foolish country cousins are green with envy. No excuse for eco-vandalism at Fore Mill Wash, even more flood prone than your site.

    Yes I am with the Dark Blues and hope that Cambridge nature-haters get the thrashings they deserve for allowing this dreadfully misguided destruction of Ouse riverbank to go ahead.

    Mileage makes champions to quote Steve Fairbairn (extended the slide).
    High time boats raced in Boatrace leapt ahead with graphine and bubble hulls. Linked sliding riggers need to be prototyped.

    Umpires need to raise their game in penalties for infringement clashes and coxes must avoid antagonistic physical contact. I’d propose stopping race with first touch and awarding half a length in violated crew’s favour.

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